If you have read any of my past blogs you would know that varnams are a thing for me and they are loaded with epiphanies and journeys for me.
What I mean is... somehow, I always end up living out the varnam.. as in.. there are meanings behind each line and in order for me to understand these meanings, Iife kind of unravels in front of me.
Ok ok maybe its just my imagination, but honest to god it happens to.
The only 2 varnams that I fully remember are Aadi Aadi Mahilnthaar and Mathae.
They have both had a huge effect on me.
Back story - for those you who are not familiar - aadi aadi madhilnthaar is all about Shiva and his stories.
Mathae is about Chamundeeshwari, how she grew up and it is in praise of her. But for some reason one really has to embody her with all the poses etc.
I found that with Aadi aadi mahinthar, I was really put through many trials in life in order to fully understand it. I had to come to that state of surrendering to god.. it was bhakti rasa after all. And I really couldn't approach it in any other way. I was in awe of Shiva and I just wanted to dance his praise.
But when it came to learning Mathe, it honestly felt like a rubix cube. Its been about... 5 years since I've learnt it and I feel like I've finally unlocked it. Like just now, literally now. I was just practicing it.
So for me Mathae, although bhakthi as well... I had to be her in all her magnificence to make this varnam work and truth is I just didn't get it. Perhaps because it was about a female I could relate more...
Anyway when I first came across this dance, my mind was saying... Yes, doormat, bhakti all that I understand, but to be that gorgeous bombshell that she would have been with all her strength... how am I supposed to embody that..??
Really stumped me.
And of course past few years "coincidentally" my life has been all about sringaram and self love and just finding that strength within. And today when I was dancing it all clicked. I really just had to love myself and bring out that sringaram to make this varnam make sense. It's synching now guys!
I don't is this that my dance is unravelling into my life or my life coming into my dance.. could be both!
anyway yaaaaiiii! for solving the rubix cube :)
Ah varnams.. they truly are a journey aren't they..