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Romanticising "Eakam" - "Longing"

Updated: May 2, 2021

In my journey exploring sringaram.. the next aspect I'd like to think about... is the idea of Longing or "eakam" (as we call it in Tamil) for a lover...

This idea is often romanticised.. to the point where it can be mistaken to be part of sringaram. The need to belong to something else. The need to be with someone else... A ragam often comes to mind.. Madhuvanthi.. we have all heard of Kandanaal Muthalai.. Padham..

snippet from Becoming Kala Short film by Shastram

From Shakespeare's sonnets


My love is as a fever longing still, For that which longer nurseth the disease; Feeding on that which doth preserve the ill, The uncertain sickly appetite to please. My reason, the physician to my love, Angry that his prescriptions are not kept, Hath left me, and I desperate now approve Desire is death, which physic did except. Past cure I am, now Reason is past care, And frantic-mad with evermore unrest; My thoughts and my discourse as madmen's are, At random from the truth vainly expressed; For I have sworn thee fair, and thought thee bright, Who art as black as hell, as dark as night.

to Bharathiyaar's kavithai

And especially in love stories in films..

This idea of belonging to someone else is glorified. "So "sweet" so "romantic" they say.

Lets take our Ashta vitha Nayikas three of them at least are "Pining for the lover"

Virahotkanthita , "One distressed by separation"

Proshitabhartruka, one with a sojourning husband

Vipralabdha, one deceived by her lover

in all of these.. the woman sits and sulks about her man.

and it is all considered to be part of "love".... Is it though?

To me sringaram is love and that only happens when you have self love. Where you are content with yourself constantly.

The ones who are spiritual will understand that this "peace with the self" happens when you are one with the higher source. The source that is within you. When you realise there is a constant to hold on to within you... then you are at peace, you are happy.. you live and love freely. You flow through life in contentment and happiness. You dance and sing and feel ultimate joy. You celebrate life, existence and all that it encompasses. One can let go of everything and hold on to nothing, feeling nothing but bliss. When you hold on to nothing, how is there a longing?

As Rumi says..

"if I love myself I love you... if I love you I love myself "

In my experience, only once you fully embraced this concept can you experience true sringaram, love for self, love for life, love for the ultimate.. Until then... your sringaram is ego driven and it will keep drawing you into various emotions other than sringaram.

Here's to letting go of romanticising longing for someone else and celebrating self love.

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